3/19/2016: It’s Snowing Again, Forgiveness and Work

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Mar 19, 2016

When I walked outside of the house I noticed one peculiar little thing. It was snowing! There was already some significant accumulation on the ground and flakes were still aggressively floating to the ground. I sighed. I was hoping that Mother Nature would have settled down but no such luck.

I’m a little groggier entering the classroom today than I was yesterday. But I soon become filled with happiness a the class commences. Today, was again filled with incredible talks and discussions. We learned about forgiveness. It’s a great concept. The 17 minutes of meditation we got both days helped us all get refreshed and refocused. I’m going to incorporate this into my daily life.

Class ended at 3:45pm. I thought I’d have time to go home and get some sleep before going to work at 11pm. Well, I found out I have to work at 5pm to 3am. Yes, I was shocked and dismayed. A little bit of me died on the inside at the thought of not getting any rest, but I persevered.

The meditation over the past two days really did help.

By the time I exited the DAHLC all the snow was gone. Now that I can excited about.

I want to create a course for the schools around resiliency, starting with meditation. I’m in a good position to do so. I’m going to have to adapt it though and strip out anything which may be interpreted as religious.

3/18/2016: Chilly Temps, Rain and Nueroscience

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Mar 19, 2016

Last week the temperature was in the 60’s. Today (and for the next week) the temp is in the mid to low 30’s. Yeah, super fun. It’s to be expected this time of year, but geez Louise, I want Spring!

Today was the first of two days of Dr. Amit Sood’s Transform class. I’m really excited about the program. All of it will help me become better at what I need to do for social bridging. The class runs from 8am to 5pm. I arrive at the Dan Abraham Healthy Living Center at proceed to the 6th floor where the class is located. I can’t describe how nice the whole place is. It’s flippin’ gorgeous, soothing and pretty comfortable. I could get used to being in this environment.

My classmates are an eclectic bunch of people from across the US and Canada representing a variety of professions and stages of life. There’s even one 1st generation Dutch-Canadian in the group. We learned about neuroscience, and a high-level overview of the brain operates. Fascinating stuff.

The class ended early at 3:30pm. This gave me time to spend about an hour on the 7th floor atrium which is the entire floor. I stepped outside onto the patio for a bit before retreating to the inside where I sat on in a really comfy lounge chair next to a plant wall.

I then went home to do stuff and things.

3/17/2016: Discussing a Youth Service Project

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Mar 18, 2016

At 10:30 I had a meeting with Joyce Balls-Berry at Bravo Espresso. Before she arrived I had a bowl of delicious wild rice soup from Salad Brothers. It’s been awhile since I’ve had their soup. It gets better everytime. Either that or I’m a little delusional. I’m ok either way.

When Joyce arrived we caught each other up on our goings on. We soon dived into discussion about the non-profit I want I start around ACE’s. We discussed possible programming, resources, partners and our legal structure. Are we just going to be a non-profit or will we be tied to a for-profit. Will the for profit be an LLC or an “S” Corp. What about social enterprise run by the non-profit? There’s a lot of research that needs to be done to answer these questions.

Joy asked a really great question. She asked if this is what I really want to do. Joy brings up a great point. I’ve been trying to narrow down my niche for awhile. I’ve been flighty. That and my approach to it all has been haphazard at best. I do really want to do this. I must.

After the meeting with Joy I went to Francisco’s Cuban Cafe. My god their food is delicious. I need to go there more than once per month. I stayed in the dining area for a couple of hours staring out the window.

Afterwards, food in mom in hand, I went home. I was home early, but I had things to do.

Should I get a PhD in psychology to help me along with the ACE’s NGO?

3/16/2016: Goodnight Bobby D

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Mar 17, 2016

We laid a friend to rest today. Bobby Driscoll, or as his friend called him Bobby D, passed away last Thursday. Today he was buried. This is the 2nd time we saw him in 3 months. The last time was a Sunday in December when we went to his benefit.

The service was beautiful. At the service and funeral there were a lot of big tough guys with bloodshot and watery eyes.  While it was just Fikret and I from Med City Taxi, the expansive church was nearly filled with friends, family and colleagues of Bobby’s. He was certainly a man with faults. But he was a good man who was fiercely loyal to his friends.

After the burial Fikret and I ate at Wild Bill’s Sports Saloon. We reminisced about our dear departed friend and co-worker. He touched many lives and will be missed. Goodnight, bud, we’ll see you again someday.

When we were done consuming lunch, Fikret dropped me off at Corporate Web Services (CWS) for the TEDxZumbroRiver marketing & social media meeting. We came up with a plan that’ll hopefully generate a bunch of ticket sales. The May 5th event is going to be incredible.

Around 5:30pm I had dinner with Kerk at Dooley’s. I was a little apprehensive since it was the first time in almost 2 years I’ve seen him. I admittedly get a little antsy when I saw him. Afterall, he’s been “busy” for all this time yet he’s been going out a bunch with his friends. I got a little annoyed when he said he needed some “Will time” and that we shouldn’t wait 6 months next time.I think I’ve become indifferent.

I finally watched last Sunday’s The Walking Dead. I love that show.

Day in the Life, Wednesday 7/1/2015: I’m Beginning to Feel Alive Again

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Jul 2, 2015

My mind was lost in thought the past couple of days wondering what I’m going to do. While I have those degrees I still feel I haven’t accomplished anything. It may be weird to say but I don’t feel I’ve done what I needed to do to move my life forward.

When I went to Steam today I spoke with that one women (I forget her name) who owns Soupology. I spoke with her about te reunion and why I didn’t go. She understood. Although she wa the class President she’s never gone to hers either. We discussed my place in life, obesity, not really connecting with my classmates in the first place and not being in touch all these years.

It rained a bunch today. Actually it hailed. And it was awesome. I took a small nap. I felt alive today. It’s really the first time since I’ve been on vacation that I’ve felt alert. I can’t believe it’s taken 3.5 weeks to recover.

Day in the Life, Sunday 6/28/2015: Deep in Thought

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Jun 29, 2015

To be completely honest I’m a little bitter.  Maybe a lot. I’m glad my former classmates had a good time. I’m really more disappointed in myself. I’m thinking about where I am in life right now and realizing that my best skills is making poor life choices. Apparently I do that the best.

I have 2 Master’s degrees and a teaching license. But I have a lack of useful skills and experience. I’ve self-isolated myself due to fear, health issues, not driving, insecurities and horrible finances. I’d like to live a nice, rewarding life. But I have no idea how to turn this around.

In a much earlier post I discussed people moving on with their lives while I stay here. My former classmates have lived their lives and I’ve been stuck in a rut since I was 18. I’m at a loss for what to do. I need to work on not underestimating myself.

I worked at Med City Taxi from 3 – 11.

Day in the Life, Saturday 6/27/2015: Working at Med City Taxi

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Jun 27, 2015

I slept a good chunk of the day today in preparation for working from 5pm to 3am. I’ve been doing this since the end of December. I’ll be glad to have those 3 weekend off in August. It’s going to feel great.

During the downtime at work I found myself checking Facebook constantly and looking at the reunion pictures. I obviously want to be there.

Work was slow until 12:30 and then it was balls to the wall busy. While I’m grateful for the work I’m saddened that after all this time and effort this is what I’m doing.

Day in the Life, Friday 6/26/2015: My 25th Year High School Reunion Weekend Starts Tonight

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Jun 26, 2015

The John Marshall Class of 1990, 25th Year Reunion is this weekend. It starts tonight. And I’m not going to go. Five years ago when I went to my 20th Year Reunion it was extremely cathartic and needed. But the reunion was still lonely.

It’s not that I don’t like them. I just don’t know them. I haven’t been in touch with these people with the exception of a little Facebook time. Unfortunately there isn’t a connection there due to a lack of shared memories.

I went to City Market to buy a sandwich. On the way there I ironically helped out with one of our reunion events. I stayed at Cafe Steam well into the time the reunion was going on at Kathy’s Pub ~ just 50 feet away.

I have a need for connection. I’m just not sure how I’m going to get it.

Day in the Life, Thursday 6/25/2015: My License to Teach Has Been Approved

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Jun 25, 2015

My teaching license came in the mail today. Although I knew I earned my license last Thursday via the Minnesota Department of Education website, having that piece of paper in my hand was an entirely out of this world experience.

Earning my license was hard work. In the beginning of the year I could barely stand 5 minutes at a time. By the end of the year I was standing most of the day. Although I had some improvements in stamina I did need to sleep a lot. I slept right after school on most days. This year brought three trips to the ER; one for my inhaler, another one for back pain and yet another for taking a nasty spill and bruising my leg and pubic area. I remember barely being able to walk for a few days. I remember being in pain many days, being uncomfortable most days, and my knees being shakey at times.

Not only was there the physical toll, but I produced so much work as well. Besides planning, teaching, grading, and researching I also had to complete the edTPA and an e-folio. While there were stumbles along the way, I made it. I’m really proud of myself.

But the awesome feeling is tempered with some harsh reality. I’m still morbidly obese with a bunch of medical issues, broke and unemployed. I’m in a big financial mess. It’s like being stuck between a rock and a few other hard places.

However,  that’s not the part that really bothers. What bothers me is that I’m alone. I don’t have a significant other to enjoy the moment with and the two friends I have are busy until next week. I started working out again and paying attention to what I eat. But even if I stay consistent it’ll be a couple of years before this lonely existence improves. That is so frustrating and disheartening.

I think weighing over 550 pounds, not driving and not having much money all do play a factor. We’ve all seen the looks and the behavior of people. For all the people that tell me how how awesome I am well, where are they?

I spent most of the day at home. I did go to the Half-Barrel for dinner and to Cafe Steam afterwards and listened to some live music.


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