My teaching license came in the mail today. Although I knew I earned my license last Thursday via the Minnesota Department of Education website, having that piece of paper in my hand was an entirely out of this world experience.

Earning my license was hard work. In the beginning of the year I could barely stand 5 minutes at a time. By the end of the year I was standing most of the day. Although I had some improvements in stamina I did need to sleep a lot. I slept right after school on most days. This year brought three trips to the ER; one for my inhaler, another one for back pain and yet another for taking a nasty spill and bruising my leg and pubic area. I remember barely being able to walk for a few days. I remember being in pain many days, being uncomfortable most days, and my knees being shakey at times.

Not only was there the physical toll, but I produced so much work as well. Besides planning, teaching, grading, and researching I also had to complete the edTPA and an e-folio. While there were stumbles along the way, I made it. I’m really proud of myself.

But the awesome feeling is tempered with some harsh reality. I’m still morbidly obese with a bunch of medical issues, broke and unemployed. I’m in a big financial mess. It’s like being stuck between a rock and a few other hard places.

However,  that’s not the part that really bothers. What bothers me is that I’m alone. I don’t have a significant other to enjoy the moment with and the two friends I have are busy until next week. I started working out again and paying attention to what I eat. But even if I stay consistent it’ll be a couple of years before this lonely existence improves. That is so frustrating and disheartening.

I think weighing over 550 pounds, not driving and not having much money all do play a factor. We’ve all seen the looks and the behavior of people. For all the people that tell me how how awesome I am well, where are they?

I spent most of the day at home. I did go to the Half-Barrel for dinner and to Cafe Steam afterwards and listened to some live music.

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